writing

Have a positive attitude

“If there’s something that you don’t like, change it. If you can’t change it, then change your attitude. Have a positive point of view because positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes.”

A caption a wrote for an instagram pic I shared today.

I want to think positive thoughts. But i struggle to do so. I struggle because it’s getting harder and harder to find things to be positive about. I feel time slipping away without making any progress. I feel like I’m stuck in a quick sand and when I try to be positive about getting out of it, I make an action to escape, but every move a do, makes me sink deeper in it.

Is it worth to have a positive attitude, while being stuck in one spot and not being able to move, because if you do, it’ll get worst?

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Favorite place in the city

The autumn sun feels like a lightweight delicate cardigan, soft and soothing on your skin. The yellow paths are crunching under my favorite Reebok Royal’s with every step I take. The crunching of the crispy leaves is my dearest autumn melody.

The season is changing.

Park 15

Change is beautiful. But what does it bring?

I’m soaking up the scrumptious wind that makes me think of roasted cinnamon pumpkin and warm cup of salep. I feel right at home under the orange canopy, relaxed, de-stressed. Leaves are abandoning their trees and finding their place on the ground. Piles of shades of yellow and orange are making me feel tempted to jump into them like they’re a big fluffy bean bag. Yellow bright sun rays are cutting their way through the yellow trees and leaving their light spread all over the ground.

A heavenly scene.

Park 8

Lonely

I’ve never felt more lonely in my entire life.

My friends are no longer my friends, everyone is going forward with their life with the excuses like “I don’t have the time right now, I’ll call you when I do” and “I forgot about you, remind me again”.

My boyfriend is focused on his problems, while looking for answers as if he forgot that I exist. At moments…

I haven’t received a call back from any of the couple of job interviews I had recently, time goes by and it goes by in vain. I’m bankrupt.

The sun shines bright, the colors are vivid, but they are faded to me, they seem fake, fabricated.

I don’t know what to do with myself…

A dilemma

In the past 2 days I had 3 interview for the same job position, but in different hotels. I think all of the interviews went more than okay and now I’m left with a dilemma.

There are 2 hotels that I’m torn between. One of the hotels is a bit low key and I would only have to work second and third shifts. The pro for this one is that considering I’ll be just learning how to work the position that I’d be getting, it would be nice if I have more time to adapted before I jump into a more busy and popular place. But… I loved the other hotel. It’s right next to the city square, it’s very popular and the design of the place is amazing! But, I witnessed a bit of the work there and it seemed crazy busy. To be honest, it scared me a bit.

But even though it scares me, it also draws me to it. I don’t know why, but it makes me want to be right in the middle of everything.

Is it stupid to be drawn towards what scares you?

I have a lot to think about. I’m doubting my abilities and I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to make it there.

Two weeks later ~ Every chance is a new lesson

It’s been two weeks since my last interview for a job a really wanted to get. I didn’t get a call back. Deep inside, I knew I wouldn’t, but I still yearned for it.

Never mind. This is just a start; a start of a fight for a better life. In a way, I like it. Of course I would like it to be easier than this, to get a chance sooner than later. But I like the hustle. I like the anticipation. Love the feeling of hope. Enjoy the spirit of resistance. Live for the challenge.

I had another interview this morning for a job I don’t really want, but was kinda curious about it. I rescheduled it for friday morning because I don’t have anything to wear. So, I have couple of days to buy few things and possibly get ready. I like the place where the job is, it’s very luxurious and it would be a nice place to work at. But, I hate the location, I don’t really feel safe there.

Anyway, I’ll be going to the interview just because I need the experience of being interviewed. I want to get perfectly comfortable at talking with influential people who can perhaps one day hire me.

Every chance is a new lesson.

Sunday by the lake

I’ve got my favorite leggings on. I’ve got my Reebok Royal’s on that makes me feel like I can walk from one end of the city to the other.

I’ve got the clouds in the sky covering the sun. I’ve got the perfect weather today.

I’ve got your hand in mine. And a brownie macchiato in the other.

Park 1

I’ve got the park around me.

Birds chirping away. Ducks quacking. Dogs barking and running around. People talking and bursting into laughs.

You and me loving each other.

Park 6

 

No worries on my mind. Time stopped. Didn’t care where I was; didn’t care where I want to be. Didn’t care about people; or life. I just felt your presence; heard your laugh; felt your touch; enjoyed your kiss.

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Once in a while, we stumble upon “our” tree. Four and a half years ago, we carved our initials into a heart into a tree. You can barely see it now, but it’s still there! And it use to look like this:

ME