personal

Book and toilet

I love reading a book while seating on the toilet. There! I’ve said it! It’s a little banal and bizarre, I admit it. But the enjoyment of reading a book is way better when you’re doing a number two. Ain’t no argument there!

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Lately

Lately I’ve been busy with a job a found. I finally found a job as a receptionist in a hotel. I’ve been in training for the past week and I’m starting to really doubt myself.

First of all, there’s more to it than I thought. It’s more like a one-man-show. Not only that I have to do the receptionist tasks with making reservations, doing check-in and check-out and helping out the guests with their rooms, but I have to also take care of the bar, make coffee, pour drinks, serve, etc. On top of everything, I have to buy food for the breakfast table and prepare most of the breakfast that will be served in the morning. In the meantime, I have to make sure the rooms are prepared and warm. So in a way, I’m a full time receptionist, full time bartender, part time housekeeper and part time cook.

And I would have to work 20 days in a month with 9,5 hour shifts ending before midnight! Which means, I would have to leave work in incredible cold weather and walk for 20 minutes in darkness to get home.

I need a job so bad, because I really want to do my own exhibition and I need a lot money to do that. But, I don’t know if it’s worth it… but I don’t have time to waste anymore.

Have a positive attitude

“If there’s something that you don’t like, change it. If you can’t change it, then change your attitude. Have a positive point of view because positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes.”

A caption a wrote for an instagram pic I shared today.

I want to think positive thoughts. But i struggle to do so. I struggle because it’s getting harder and harder to find things to be positive about. I feel time slipping away without making any progress. I feel like I’m stuck in a quick sand and when I try to be positive about getting out of it, I make an action to escape, but every move a do, makes me sink deeper in it.

Is it worth to have a positive attitude, while being stuck in one spot and not being able to move, because if you do, it’ll get worst?

Lonely

I’ve never felt more lonely in my entire life.

My friends are no longer my friends, everyone is going forward with their life with the excuses like “I don’t have the time right now, I’ll call you when I do” and “I forgot about you, remind me again”.

My boyfriend is focused on his problems, while looking for answers as if he forgot that I exist. At moments…

I haven’t received a call back from any of the couple of job interviews I had recently, time goes by and it goes by in vain. I’m bankrupt.

The sun shines bright, the colors are vivid, but they are faded to me, they seem fake, fabricated.

I don’t know what to do with myself…