philosophy

Have a positive attitude

“If there’s something that you don’t like, change it. If you can’t change it, then change your attitude. Have a positive point of view because positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes.”

A caption a wrote for an instagram pic I shared today.

I want to think positive thoughts. But i struggle to do so. I struggle because it’s getting harder and harder to find things to be positive about. I feel time slipping away without making any progress. I feel like I’m stuck in a quick sand and when I try to be positive about getting out of it, I make an action to escape, but every move a do, makes me sink deeper in it.

Is it worth to have a positive attitude, while being stuck in one spot and not being able to move, because if you do, it’ll get worst?

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Lonely

I’ve never felt more lonely in my entire life.

My friends are no longer my friends, everyone is going forward with their life with the excuses like “I don’t have the time right now, I’ll call you when I do” and “I forgot about you, remind me again”.

My boyfriend is focused on his problems, while looking for answers as if he forgot that I exist. At moments…

I haven’t received a call back from any of the couple of job interviews I had recently, time goes by and it goes by in vain. I’m bankrupt.

The sun shines bright, the colors are vivid, but they are faded to me, they seem fake, fabricated.

I don’t know what to do with myself…

Two weeks later ~ Every chance is a new lesson

It’s been two weeks since my last interview for a job a really wanted to get. I didn’t get a call back. Deep inside, I knew I wouldn’t, but I still yearned for it.

Never mind. This is just a start; a start of a fight for a better life. In a way, I like it. Of course I would like it to be easier than this, to get a chance sooner than later. But I like the hustle. I like the anticipation. Love the feeling of hope. Enjoy the spirit of resistance. Live for the challenge.

I had another interview this morning for a job I don’t really want, but was kinda curious about it. I rescheduled it for friday morning because I don’t have anything to wear. So, I have couple of days to buy few things and possibly get ready. I like the place where the job is, it’s very luxurious and it would be a nice place to work at. But, I hate the location, I don’t really feel safe there.

Anyway, I’ll be going to the interview just because I need the experience of being interviewed. I want to get perfectly comfortable at talking with influential people who can perhaps one day hire me.

Every chance is a new lesson.

Face yourself

Be alone. Spend couple of days or a whole week detached from the world, so you can connect with yourself.

It’s sounds like an easy task. In a way it is, you can surely do it. But what will you learn? I thought it’d be great to take a break from humans and just enjoy myself and the simple things I like. I read books. I played video games. I watched tv shows and movies. I drew. I worked on learning 3d modeling. I did a lot of things.

But I didn’t do anything. I just spend a lot of time on the sofa, in front of my laptop. Time went by, a week was finished. I didn’t do anything and I was exceedingly aware of that. Aware of the time I wasted. Aware of my failures. Aware of my solitary.

“You’re a loser…”. “You can’t do anything”. “You wasted your life and accomplished nothing!”. “Loser!”. “Everyone is moving forward and you can’t move a level from the bottom.”. “Failure!”.

Who knew there were voices?

I isolated myself from the society and looked myself closely, thoroughly, intimately. I met myself. Look at me, touch me, turn me and twist me around, explore me, learn about me. This is me. This! There’s nothing you can do about it now, this is what I am and this is what I did. You like it?

I faced myself. I was confident and unruffled; I broke. I felt like I was lured in a corner and life kicked me and punched me and pounded me, stroked me, whipped me, trashed me, broke me!

I broke.

But I faced myself. And I like myself as a person, I just don’t like my life. I feel like I can do so much more. Now knowing that, I will try even harder to achieve all that I want and earn all that I deserve.

Face yourself. It won’t be easy, but it’s worth it.