In the past half a year, things haven’t been going as I’ve planed. It feels like every time I take a step forward, I move three steps back right away. Progress is so slow, almost non existent.
But I do whatever it takes to keep my dream and idea alive. Most of the time I feel like giving up, but giving up seems pointless, because nothing will change if I give in. If I push forward, I can only gain. If I get lucky.
So I hustle. I hustle with worthless jobs and good for nothing salary’s. I hustle with figuring out new ways to get closer to what I want. I hustle with brainstorming and overthinking and conceptualizing and creating. I hustle with keeping my mental health on the right track and staying positive and optimistic.
I’ve never been more excited about my photos. I think I finally put my finger on what I want to express and that is light. Light against darkness, light reflection, my kind of photographic chiaroscuro.
But also, I want to keep showing my perspective of the city. All kinds of streets and buildings, architecture details, corners, people, life.
I’m really motivated and I keep going out and take photos. I really hope one day I’ll have the chance to exhibit some of them and see how people will react.
I’ve got a notification from “On this day” on Facebook and it’s about a song a posted. Year later I can still relate to this song and I’ll probably always will.
The second verse goes like this:
“Quick question: Don’t you realize how worse off you could be living? Or not living at all; You’re lucky and you should see how many good things come your way; If you don’t you won’t make life a fun and pleasant stay”
And than the chorus:
“Think about all that you have not about what you can’t get”
I love Pennywise, it’s a great band and one of my favorites. I can relate to lot of their songs and this hits the right spot at the moment. I feel mentally exhausted cause a lot of things don’t go my way. But, I always feel grateful that I have a life, an opportunity to make good thing happened and to enjoy all that I want while I can. I don’t want to find comfort in the fact that life can always be worst, but it’s true. Be happy with what you got and fight for what you don’t.
The autumn sun feels like a lightweight delicate cardigan, soft and soothing on your skin. The yellow paths are crunching under my favorite Reebok Royal’s with every step I take. The crunching of the crispy leaves is my dearest autumn melody.
The season is changing.
Change is beautiful. But what does it bring?
I’m soaking up the scrumptious wind that makes me think of roasted cinnamon pumpkin and warm cup of salep. I feel right at home under the orange canopy, relaxed, de-stressed. Leaves are abandoning their trees and finding their place on the ground. Piles of shades of yellow and orange are making me feel tempted to jump into them like they’re a big fluffy bean bag. Yellow bright sun rays are cutting their way through the yellow trees and leaving their light spread all over the ground.
A heavenly scene.
It’s time I stop thinking that everybody around me is better than me and start appreciate my true value.
It’s been two weeks since my last interview for a job a really wanted to get. I didn’t get a call back. Deep inside, I knew I wouldn’t, but I still yearned for it.
Never mind. This is just a start; a start of a fight for a better life. In a way, I like it. Of course I would like it to be easier than this, to get a chance sooner than later. But I like the hustle. I like the anticipation. Love the feeling of hope. Enjoy the spirit of resistance. Live for the challenge.
I had another interview this morning for a job I don’t really want, but was kinda curious about it. I rescheduled it for friday morning because I don’t have anything to wear. So, I have couple of days to buy few things and possibly get ready. I like the place where the job is, it’s very luxurious and it would be a nice place to work at. But, I hate the location, I don’t really feel safe there.
Anyway, I’ll be going to the interview just because I need the experience of being interviewed. I want to get perfectly comfortable at talking with influential people who can perhaps one day hire me.