Author: misschievousmkd

I am an art historian, who is also a tourist guide and an amateur photographer. I sometimes like and need to write. Sometimes I like to draw. I love books.

Cutoff

In the past couple of days I’ve been cutoff from society.

I’m still out of job. I’m still out of friends. I’m still out of touch from my surroundings.

Sadly, I’ve had issues with my laptop so I had to take it to a repairing service. That means I had to put on pause my 3ds max lessons. I wanted to be a part of the new furniture competition which is due 1st of October, but I’m afraid that with my current situation I will loose half of the given time. It’s a big set back!

This whole weekend I’ve been alone. My boyfriend’s out of town, so I’ve been staying mostly at home. The past couple of days we’ve had 40 degrees Celsius temperature, so I’ve been avoiding going out side. I don’t have my bicycle, so I can’t even ride to the park.

Things haven’t been going good at all for me lately.

One thing I like is that I’ve been reading books. Also, watched a lot of the History channel, they have a lot of interesting documentaries. And that’s it.

Books, history documentaries and a reserved spot on a sofa sectional.

Face yourself

Be alone. Spend couple of days or a whole week detached from the world, so you can connect with yourself.

It’s sounds like an easy task. In a way it is, you can surely do it. But what will you learn? I thought it’d be great to take a break from humans and just enjoy myself and the simple things I like. I read books. I played video games. I watched tv shows and movies. I drew. I worked on learning 3d modeling. I did a lot of things.

But I didn’t do anything. I just spend a lot of time on the sofa, in front of my laptop. Time went by, a week was finished. I didn’t do anything and I was exceedingly aware of that. Aware of the time I wasted. Aware of my failures. Aware of my solitary.

“You’re a loser…”. “You can’t do anything”. “You wasted your life and accomplished nothing!”. “Loser!”. “Everyone is moving forward and you can’t move a level from the bottom.”. “Failure!”.

Who knew there were voices?

I isolated myself from the society and looked myself closely, thoroughly, intimately. I met myself. Look at me, touch me, turn me and twist me around, explore me, learn about me. This is me. This! There’s nothing you can do about it now, this is what I am and this is what I did. You like it?

I faced myself. I was confident and unruffled; I broke. I felt like I was lured in a corner and life kicked me and punched me and pounded me, stroked me, whipped me, trashed me, broke me!

I broke.

But I faced myself. And I like myself as a person, I just don’t like my life. I feel like I can do so much more. Now knowing that, I will try even harder to achieve all that I want and earn all that I deserve.

Face yourself. It won’t be easy, but it’s worth it.

I need a NEW life

I need a new life.

I need a new city to roam. New streets to explore. New architecture to admire. New food to taste. New air to breath.

I need new people. New people to befriend. New people to talk to, new people to listen. New people stories to be inspired by.

I need a new job. New job to learn and do. New job to enjoy. New job to make new money. New job to be proud of. New job to identify with.

I need a new pair of shoes. New pants. New shirt and a new skirt and a new dress. New bag. I need a new style. New look.

I need a new bicycle. New books. New camera. New pens and a new notebook. New skills. New ideas. New experiences.

I need new stories. New happenings.

I need a new perspective.

I need a new way of life.

I need a new life.

A damn air conditioner dribble ~ Проклето капење од клима уред

Tac….. tac….. tac….. tac….

It’s almost 1 am and I’m seating on my balcony with my both feet up on a chair and a book in my hands. The light bulb over my head attracts all kinds of winged creatures who are in a passionate search of a meal.

Tac….. tac…. tac… tac…. tac….. tac….. tac…….. . . . ..

My light bulb is so loud. It radiates throughout the neighborhood echoing it’s beams over the dark orange clay walls. Dozen of buildings are surrounding me, concealed in a darkness, mobbed in a gang. My yellow energy saving bulb is lustrous.

Tac….. tac…. tac…

My left eyelid is dancing. It’s infuriating, utterly maddening! A nerve is shaking, doing it’s little cha cha moves every now and than with no reason what’s so ever.

Tac….. tac…. tac…

A car is passing by through the nearest street. Another one. And another one.

Tac… tac… taC… tAC… TAC… TAC… TAC… TAC……. . . .  .. .. . . .

The crickets are chirping, making my eyes crave a slumber. A chorus of perfect rhythm, tranquil and effortlessly pleasant.

TAC….. TAC….. TAC…. TAC…. TAC….

Insects fiercely buzzing around my bulb.

TAC….. TAC….. TAC…. TAC…. TAC….

Car passing by.

TAC….. TAC….. TAC…. TAC…. TAC….                  TAC….. TAC….. TAC…. TAC…. TAC….

TAC….. TAC….. TAC….         TAC….. TAC…..    TAC….. TAC….. TAC…. TAC…. TAC….TAC….. TAC….. TAC….TAC….. TAC…..

Crickets chiiiiiiiiiiiiiirp    chiiiiiiiiiiiiiirp    chiiiiiiiiiiiiiirp   chiiiiiiiiiiiiiirp   chiiiiiiiiiiiiiirp

TAC….TAC….. TAC….. chiiiiiiiiiiiiiirp… TAC…..  chiiiiiiiiiiiiiirp…. TAC….. TAC…. chiiiiiiiiiiiiiirp

TAC….. TAC….. TAC…..

THAT DAMN TAC!!!!!!!

A drop of water repeatedly persistently forever continually smacking on a plastic flat surface. A damn air conditioner dribble.

TAC….. TAC….. TAC…. TAC…. TAC…. TAC….. TAC….. TAC…. TAC…. TAC….  TAC….. TAC….. TAC…. TAC…. TAC…. TAC….. TAC….. TAC…. TAC…. TAC…. TAC….. TAC….. TAC…. TAC…. TAC…. TAC………

A street dog started barking.

 

I’m going to bed.


Так….. так….. так….. так….

Речиси е 1 часот по полноќ и седам на балкон со двете нозе кренати на столица и книга во рацете. Сијалицата над мојата глава привлекува секакви видови на криласти суштества кои се во страствена потрага по оброк.

Так….. так…. так… так…. так….. так….. так…….. . . . ..

Мојата сијалица е толку гласна. Зрачи низ маалото, одекнувајќи ги своите зраци од темно портокаловите глинени ѕидови. Десетина згради ме опколуваат, скриени во темница, собрани во банда. Мојата жолта штедлива сијалица е сјајна.

Так….. так…. так…..

Мојот лев очен капак танцува. Тоа толку фрустрира, крајно излудува! Некој нерв се тресе, си го изведува својот ча ча танц од време на време без никаква посебна причина.

Так….. так…. так…..

Автомобил поминува низ најблиската улица. Уште еден. И уште еден.

Так… так… таК… тАК… ТАК… ТАК… ТАК… ТАК……. . . .  .. .. . . .

Штурците чврчорат, ги тераат моите очи да копнеат по сон. Хор со перфектен ритам, мирен и без никаков напор пријатен.

ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК…..

Инсекти жестоко зујат околу мојата сијалица.

ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК…..

Автомобил поминува.

ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК…. ТАК…. ТАК….                 ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК…. ТАК…. ТАК….

ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК….         ТАК….. ТАК…..   ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК…. ТАК…. ТАК….ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК….ТАК….. ТАК…..

Штурци цвррррррррчорат   цвррррррррчорат   цвррррррррчорат   цвррррррррчорат   цвррррррррчорат

ТАК….ТАК….. ТАК….. цвррррррррчорат… ТАК….. цвррррррррчорат…. ТАК….. ТАК…. цвррррррррчорат

ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК…..

ТОА ПРОКЛЕТО ТАК!!!!!!!

Капка вода повторливо постојано засекогаш континуирано удира на пластична рамна површина. Проклето капење од клима уред.

ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК…. ТАК…. ТАК…. ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК…. ТАК…. ТАК…. ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК…. ТАК…. ТАК…. ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК…. ТАК…. ТАК…. ТАК….. ТАК….. ТАК…. ТАК…. ТАК…. ТАК………

Улично куче започна да лае.

 

Отидов во кревет.